chronic-genderbender:

jaredsadalecki:

breaking news: obama is not real. obama is a figment of our imaginations. this country is being run by our imaginary friend, barack obama

Breaking News: Mitt Romney campaigned against an imaginary man and still lost the presidency.

chronic-genderbender:

jaredsadalecki:

breaking news: obama is not real. obama is a figment of our imaginations. this country is being run by our imaginary friend, barack obama

Breaking News: Mitt Romney campaigned against an imaginary man and still lost the presidency.

deathy:

So glad that the NBA, MLB, and LoL Championship Series don’t give a shit it’s easter. Cause I sure don’t.

deathy:

comedycentralstandup:

John Mulaney is your Stand-Up Month Comedian of the Day. Watch his stand-up highlights here. 

This is actually me.

At least you CAN grow a beard.*cries in a corner with his tiny goatee*

deathy:

comedycentralstandup:

John Mulaney is your Stand-Up Month Comedian of the Day. Watch his stand-up highlights here

This is actually me.

At least you CAN grow a beard.
*cries in a corner with his tiny goatee*

operameister:

thisismythanksgivingurl-gobble:

agentgreenfishy:

poselikeateam:

fuck-i-just:

Next time a blocked number calls you answer like this: “Jim’s whore house. You got the dough, we got the hoe.”

Why does this not have any notes?

lol no “Nashville sperm bank, you squeeze it we freeze it. how may I help you?”

“Henderson’s Morgue, you stab em, we slab em, this is Eight Ball speaking.”

“Texas crematorium you kill ‘em we grill ‘em how can I direct your call?”